Pass me the maternity trousers… 

Are you in the mood for eating so much you are in physical pain and need to be rolled home? How do you feel about monster portions and fries smothered in chilli and cheese? Do fried pickles make you go weak at the knees? (surely it’s not just me). Or are you quite simply hungover and experiencing ‘The Fear’? If the answer to all/some of the above questions is yes then the Smoke Haus is the place for you. Not to be confused with the Smokehouse in Pontcanna, this one is in the centre of town (where Hooters used to be) and is the sister restaurant to the Swansea joint. 

When I was asked to try out SH, of course I happily obliged. I mean, nobody needs to ask me twice if I would like to eat; the response will always be a resounding yes. 

I decided to take along a member of the Yeastie Boys as I’d heard good things about the beer they offer and who better to make the most of that than a self confessed beer lover?! With Brooklyn and Blue Moon on tap, the SH definitely had two very happy visitors on their hands.  

 We ordered two starters to share and both portions were qually enormous and naughty that they left me panicking about how large the main meals would be. The Jalapeño Poppers which were fried jalapeños (obviously) and cheese sticks served with sour cream being my favourite of the two but the Chicken Tenders were also a good choice.  

  
Important: this picture does absolutely nothing to emphasise the size on the portions. Just trust me ok? 

Anyone who knows me knows that burgers are one of my many food favourites so when a place is known for its mammoth burgers I obviously didn’t opt for ribs. I went for the Dirty Sanchez which is a beef patty topped with cheese, onions, roquito peppers, sour cream, spicy mojo sauce and the most important addition of all, guacamole. My partner in burger related crime ordered the Butterflied Breast of Crispy Kansas Chicken in a bun which is served with ranch dressing. Both of the burgers are served with coleslaw and fries but of course we upgraded to the chilli cheese fries just because. I don’t understand people who don’t upgrade to chilli cheese fries, they are not people I need in my life. Just like people who squirt tomato ketchup over their chips. I judge you. 
  
Not only did we have the above but after a little persuasion from our fabulous waiter I also ordered a side of fried pickles and it was one of the best life decisions I’ve made to date. I desperately urge you to get your hands on them when you visit… if you like pickles that is. 

I wish I could fill you in on the desserts but it’s fairly safe to say I didn’t get that far and after letting myself, my friends and my family down and managing just a measly half of my burger I couldn’t even think about eating another thing. Before you ask, no I wasn’t ill at the time and nor had I been pre-snacking but the portions are literally that big that I was genuinely concerned that my, already tight, jeans would no longer fit the following morning. 

Had I been in the mood for a sugary headache post-feast then I’m almost positive the waffle would have been my dessert of choice because 1. I love waffles and 2. I love marshmallows. 

Thanks for having us guys, being wonderful hosts and for giving me such a food hangover that I didn’t eat until at least 9am the following day; I probably lost half a stone. 

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